Satire · Privacy
Privacy policy.
Last updated October 21, 2026. Effective immediately, which is the only kind of immediately this site recognizes.
This site is a parody. It does not ask for your name, your district, your email address, or your opinion. The forms are decorative. The scanner is decorative. The alerts are decorative. The confidence is structural.
What we collect
Nothing that identifies you, and one thing that does not: aggregate traffic analytics through Google Analytics, connected via Site Kit. That gives us counts and pages, not names. The irony of a surveillance parody being measured is not lost on us.
We do not run accounts, comments, newsletters, or user submissions. We do not set marketing cookies. We do not sell, rent, or trade data, because we do not have any to sell.
What we do not collect
- Your district.
- Your name or email.
- Anything you type into the scanner. It never leaves your browser.
- Your reading history beyond what Google Analytics aggregates.
- Your beliefs, which we assume are complicated.
What we assume
Everything. Assumption is the core product. But an assumption is not a record, and this site keeps no record of you.
Third parties
Google Analytics (Site Kit) processes aggregate usage data under Google’s terms. Our host processes standard server logs. That is the entire list.
Your choices
You can block analytics with any content blocker; the site will work exactly the same, because it is static HTML and a joke. You can also close the tab, which is the most effective privacy control ever invented.
Contact
Privacy questions: privacy@aware-ish.example. This address does not exist, because neither does the organization. For a real privacy request, contact the real site you are actually on.